I think I’m having an identity crisis. And I’ve lost my bed. And my hands. I haven’t washed my hair in five days. Ew, right? Don’t worry, I spot wash the places that matter daily.
Always wash your undercarriage
TMI? No such thing in Mommy Land, population me (and millions of other women, but they all put forth an image so put together that I’d rather pretend they don’t exist because it makes me feel better). We (and by we I mean me and my mom because she is allowed to visit Mommy Land) talk about all kinds of fun stuff like boobs and poop. But mostly poop. The other day I texted my mom a pic of a dirty diaper because I needed her to verify that I hadn’t slipped into an exhaustion induced coma and J, in desperation due to his lack of boobage and milk, had put the baby out to pasture in my absence… H’s poop definitely looked like he’d been eating some grass and smelled like a frequently used and never emptied outhouse. TMI? I told you already… NO SUCH THING.
This is how we do in the country
I thought I was doing ok but a visit to the doctor has proven me wrong. Le bébé is not gaining enough weight! He’s gone from the 95th percentile to somewhere between the 25th and 50th. aoughreiughslaeiuwgruihstaew. That was me hitting the keyboard with my forehead. Ok, not really because I’m lying awkwardly, belly down on my bed and the keyboard is too far away to reach with my head. My hands had to help my head out. I have hands after all! But only when the baby is asleep.
My hands are magestic. Like a mighty bald eagle. Or America.
Did I say bed? I meant floor. Because that is where I sleep. H is going through a phase where I can’t put him down if he falls asleep in my arms because he’ll immediately awaken. But if he falls asleep on the bed I can get anywhere from 5-8 consecutive hours of sleep out of him! Ah-mazing. So he, this tiny two ft tall baby, sleeps in the very centre of my queen sized bed, and I sleep on the floor. If I dare to sleep in the bed with him I’m too paranoid about him rolling off the edge (which is why I put him smack dab in the middle to sleep) and he wakes up every time I roll over. My neck hurts.
I have more in common with drunk SIMS characters than I thought… except if this were me my undercarriage would be exposed
I’m enjoying having my hands right now, even though I should be sleeping and they’re no use to me while I’m sleeping. How has this baby not gained enough weight? It seems like all he does is eat! Doc explained to me that because he just eats a little bit and then uses my boobs to soothe himself he’s not stimulating my milk production enough. Turns out he’s a grazer. More like a goat than a pig.
Baby goats are cute, so that’s ok
Who would have thought with that massive belly of mine? Maybe that explains the grass poop… Le sigh. So now my task is to stretch the feeding out for at least 2 hours between feeds and use the pacifier when he wants to soothe in between.
Hilarious pacifier face
OMG. I might have just got my hands back for real. That’s kind of exciting.
POOP. Mommyhood is steeped in it.
But then he makes adorable faces like this:
Love
And it’s not so poopy anymore… even if it is, literally, kinda.
Little H needs some hindmilk. It might help to keep him on one breast for an entire feeding instead of switching, that way he’ll have a better chance of getting the good fatty stuff at the end. He is so freaking adorable!
Thanks :) He is the cutest! The superlative being my bias… but still! I do keep him on one breast… but he just won’t chill there long enough. I burp him and put him back on but he just won’t stay latched. He either screams at me and goes all rigid, or he just laughs at me each time I try. Going to a clinic next week for help, so we’ll see!
No fun. I hope that the clinic helps.
Gah!!!! I wish we were neighbours more and more every day.
Bob Marley sleeps curled up in my arms with his head on my shoulders every night. Because that’s how I can make him fall asleep and I’m tired. I don’t know HOW I’ve managed not to push him of the bed in my sleep yet…
Green poop is just foremilk. We had the same issue. Just try to nurse just on one side per feed maybe? I do that, unless Jr is STARVING and fussy. Which has been quite a bit lately. Are they having a growth spurt now? I can’t keep track anymore.
Anyway, move here please. We’ll put our little men on a blanket on the floor and chug coffee while we talk about boobs and poop.
I have been so bad with replying to blog comments and emails lately it’s horrendous :( Sleep has been even worse this week! This kid seriously isn’t sleeping… 3 months is a growth spurt time though, so maybe that’s it? He just can’t eat enough to keep him asleep through the night? I dunno… what I do know is that I look scary. Pale with huge purple rings under my eyes… and let’s not even start on my hair. It kind of resembles an Egyptian pyramid.
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WHY did you not show up in my reader! Curse the wordpress deamons! This is hilarious! you have entered territory in which i can not offer advice or commiserate on similar experiences, but it’s still hilarious.
Thanks :) Glad you can appreciate if not relate!
I don’t really know what’s going on with babies but it sounds like he likes to eat grass and doesn’t have the courtesy to stimulate milk production.
LOL! He so rude, right? I thought I raised him better than that…
Seriously, get you to the lactation consultatant because as Grackleandsun said, your little lad needs the rich hind milk to stop the green poops and give him the extra calories to keep his weight up. It’s sad but true, he should NOT sleep for 5-8 hours a night.The little muchkin needs to have a nosh at least every three hours. You get to sleep when he is older ;o)
Never fear! It’s been done. We had our follow up today and his weight gain between his two appointments was twice the average. Poop is clearly hindmilk poop once more! I’ve wondering about this Wonder Week theory, because it was just a short period of extreme fussiness and improper feeding.
Glad to hear it! I deserted you for the beaches of Mexico but I did wonder ever so briefly about how things were going. Lest you think I am a flakey new blog friend I assure you I ONLY went because my baby was getting married – and about time!
The kid o’mine was one miserable little sucker and knowing what I now know, I don’t wonder that perhaps a lactation consultant (had they been invented waaaay back then ) wouldn’t have made us both a whole lot happier.
I’d of liked to reach out and smack the person who first said it to me but since you can’t reach through the monitor I’ll say it so you. This is such a very short time in your life as a parent hang in there , it’ll be over before you know it – and then you can sleep!
GAH! I just wrote a whole long reply and WordPress deleted it somehow :(
Basically, I know it won’t last forever and I am enjoying the other elements of this sweet age, sleep deprivation be damned. He won’t always need me like this.
Congratulations on the nuptials of your kiddo. Mexico sounds like fun! I’m very jealous!