As if my nights weren’t haunted enough by the hip and back pain and six trips to the bathroom, my sleep is now plagued by all the anxiety I have been experiencing these past two weeks. Two weeks ago I found out about the excess amniotic fluid situation going on in there (and by in there, I mean in my uterus along with the giant baby) and I have yet to see the OB about
Sad sack
it. Tomorrow is the day and I’m just so worried. Not only that, but last weekend was my first prenatal class and J ended up having to work. Needless to say I was the only sad sack in there whose partner hadn’t made it (although my lovely mama stood in for him -thanks Mama!). This has led to an irrational fear that for some reason he won’t make the actual birth either.
Another kind of sack that is sad, but for an entirely different reason
*Fact that is probably true, but that in reality I just made up now: The ability to become even more rational is not a pregnancy symptom*
So, due to all this stress, I had my very first labour and delivery dream, and well, it was actually quite the anxiety induced nightmare.
It began with me driving myself to my next prenatal class this Saturday, all alone without J or my mom, and somehow going into labour during the car trip. I was admitted as soon as I got to the hospital and tried to call everyone I know to no avail (another huge fear I have about going into labour alone). Ages went by and still no one was answering. The doctor came in to check me and upon examination declared that I was making no progress and that I needed an emergency c-section (hello too much stupid TLC show watching!). Ok fine, I know this happens from time to time (the c-section rate at my hospital is 20%), but what was so disconcerting was that he didn’t even give me a chance to react or try to call anyone again. He just whipped out a scalpel and cut a huge oval shaped gash in my left side (very much not how it happens). No drugs, no moving me to the OR, just some good ol’ slicin’ and dicin’. He then reached his arm into the wound and pulled out a baby girl!
HUH!?
Um, a girl? I have very clearly seen his boy bits during a 4D ultrasound, so I looked at the doctor and said, “That’s not my baby. I’m having a boy.” The doctor smirked and put the baby on me, but I just kept looking at her and feeling nothing because the baby I’d been connecting with for the last 9 months was supposed to be a boy! Try as I might, nada.
I then called J again and he answered this time. He’d gotten my message and was on his way to the hospital. I told him I’d already had the baby, and he said, “Oh. Ok then. Well, I’m really tired so I’m just going to turn around and head home.”
Needless to say, I woke up feeling a considerable amount of irrational rage towards my sleeping boyfriend.
That’s a horrible nightmare!
Making it even worse is that for some reason my ex-husband was hovering around… I can’t remember the context or what part of the dream he was part of though, so I left it out. Seriously, the LAST person I’d want to see at that moment in my life.
OH NO!!! If you can’t get in touch with anyone, CALL ME. I will make the drive to make sure you’re not alone!
But what if you went into labour on your way to see me!? LOL I shouldn’t laugh at that, because it could totally happen, however unlikely.
I was thinking that exact thing on the way home last night. We could get a 2-for-1 deal!!!
Shan.
I’d like to know… Did anxiety listen to you?
Le Clown
Sadly no… Apparently saying please and not spelling out the curse word doesn’t change the fact that I’m rudely telling it to fuck off and its taken offence. I’ve been up since 5 fretting. But I see the doctor in a few hours, so hopefully soon.
Ob god that sounds awful. Just breathe and eat some Cinnamon Toast Crunch. You’ll feel better.
This is exactly what I’m doing… So grateful for the Crunch.
BAH!!! I wrote a post just yesterday about my pregnancy anxiety and nightmares!!! They are SO real!! I’ve gotten to where I am terrified to be left alone in the house because I’m just sure someone is going to break in and “get” me lol And when I try to nap, I have nightmares that I’m for sure are real, I wake up scared to death or angry at whoever was mean to me in my dream! Pregnancy = psychosis !! Well if you want to see someone else go nuts come see me at http://www.birminghambell.com Glad to have visitors and even more glad to have found your blog!
Hey hey, thanks for dropping by. Those dreams are so crazy… 6 weeks til my due date, and them I’m sure I’ll have a whole different kind of anxiety. Hah. Either that or I won’t have time to dream because so far this baby likes to party at night!