Brought to you by: Fish Out of Water, Nicolas Cage, Kitties and procrastination.
This post is inspired by the latest post by Fish Out of Water over at Sincerely, Slapdash (click to read) which got me thinking about my days working retail. Yes, I agree with the assessment of rude retail workers. There are many. However, reading about rude retail workers also incited some rage against the customer in me, left over from those good ol’ days. You see, I was one of those friendly retail workers (which is saying a lot for someone as shy as me). I’ve been told many times by friends that I’m a totally different person when I work customer service. I loved joking around with people. I once sold a membership card to someone by telling him that he was ruining my life and I was going to cry if he didn’t buy it. Obviously I was kidding, but hey, it worked.
I’ve had customers that were so rude that the fake smile came right off my face despite the fact that I’d drawn it on with permanent marker.
So here’s a tip that both customers and employees can follow: TREAT OTHERS AS YOU WISH TO BE TREATED!
Oh, I’m sorry. Did I sound like your mother for a second there? Please remember that there are human beings standing on either side of the desk. Well, most of the time. Other times you might be serving Nicolas Cage.
As pointed out in the Slapdash post, it is rude to chew gum/avoid eye contact/not smile/speak in a foreign language to your co-workers while ringing through a transaction. Actually, most retail establishments have rules about all of these things and if none of the employees abide by them, its more a sign of poor management than anything else. Ever heard the saying “Happy wife, happy life”? Same goes here. When you spend more time at work than at home with family, if conditions are poor then attitudes are bound to be as well. Let me tell you, I’ve had my fair share of monster mangers (I don’t use the word ‘hate’ lightly, and I hated these people). That being said, there are some pretty rude behaviours on the part of customers that come up quite frequently, so without further adieu, here is my list of atrocities committed against me by the general public while on the job:
1. Hang up your damn cell phone, or at least put the person on hold.
As a cashier I longed for a sign like this… but NOPE! The geniuses at corporate thought it was too rude to have a sign telling customers to “Line up here” (which resulted in all sorts of chaos, customer infighting, and name calling… the cash desk at this particular job was rectangular for heaven’s sake!), so you can imagine what they might have thought if we’d written and posted something like this. These are the same lovely corporate geniuses that think it’s too unfriendly to put mirrors up in blind corners to deter theft, and then wonder why losses keep mounting… um… DUH.
But I digress. The absolute worst is when you have a customer on a cell phone that doesn’t acknowledge your existence, throws the purchase down and hands you a $20 bill for a $50 purchase. You try to get their attention to point out their error, but they are far too engrossed in conversation, so finally you give up and just stand there. After a few minutes go by, the customer finally says into the phone, “Hun, could you excuse me for a second? The idiot cashier is taking 2 hours to ring through my one item purchase” and then turns to you, “What the hell is taking so long!?” They don’t even apologize when you politely point out their error and the fact that you’ve been desperately trying to get their attention for the last five minutes at least. What planet are you on!?
nickcagecats.tumblr.com
2. If you think that someone who gets paid $10/hr (if they’re lucky), is obligated to approach every single customer they see in order to ask if they need help and has to disappear to clean human feces from cubicle walls every 30 minutes, is a suitable baby-sitter then by all means, leave your child unattended. But I must warn you:
Yes, I will chase your child and its new kitten when he or she runs out into the mall and risk my job all because that cellphone call or Anya’s botched nose job are more important than, you know, making sure your offspring are safe… but I will hate you for every second of it. Oh, and I may call Children’s Aid.
3. Yes, I do realize that you are very busy and important, and that I (with my 6 years of higher education, struggling to find gainful employment in this shit economy) am vastly inferior since I merely ring through books at a cash desk, or make your coffee all day; however, I did not wake up this morning trying to ruin your life. I am not your wife, mother, shitty boss, boyfriend, or a-hole co-worker, so whatever happened to you during your day, please, do not take it out on me. I just work here. I did not put milk in your espresso macchiato (which you would know if you’d just feel the weight of the cup instead of shrieking at top volume that you SAW ME COMMIT THE TERRIBLE CRIME). I did not put the restrictions on that coupon you have that expired 5 years ago. I also am not responsible for the difference between American and Canadian pricing and I don’t have time to give you a lesson in economics… besides, who am I to teach you anything? I must be stupid and uneducated. I work retail. Duh. I forgot. But seriously, there’s only so much I can take while trying to keep this smile on my face!
4. If my computer breaks down you may only offer “helpful” advice if you are being kind and understanding. If you’re going to treat me like an idiot, even though I stand here for 40 hours per week and have to deal with this on a daily basis, just walk away. I’d rather lose your business. Yes, I have to call the help desk and no, I can’t just press ctrl+alt+del. But if I could I’d ctrl+alt+del your face. True story.
It’s too bad I’m not working retail right now. I probably wouldn’t even try to suck it up and be nice to the rude people. I’m too pregnant and that is just too hard. Nah, I’d probably just blast laser beams at them from my eyes, roar, and then use them to curb my insatiable preggosaurus appetite.
Okay. Enough of this 1,000+ word rant. I wanted this to be funny but I think it may be too soon and the bitterness is seeping through. But maybe you enjoyed the kitties? Stay tuned for a future post about horrible bosses and why they made me want to flee the country/gouge my eyes out/go postal and then flee the country… or something less dramatic like walking out on the job while remembering that there is much more to life than retail (which is what actually happened).
Shan,
As someone who worked in retails as a younger version of myself – Blockbuster to name one, it made me very tolerant towards people who work in customer service, but also, I will be more vocal if I am offered abysmal customer service. On one hand, you will have my empathy if a customer is being rude while talking on a cell phone when you are trying to give him change, but on the other hand, you will suffer my rant if you are chatting on the phone with your boyfriend while I am waiting in line…
Eric
Absolutely! All rage shall be delivered equal.
haha! This is awesome. When I lived in LA, I was a sales rep/consultant for a design firm. My clients were all designers (AKA high maintenance assholes for the most part – some were amazing who I still keep in touch with). When I say high maintenance, imagine having Real Housewives of ____ County for clients. Because literally, I had four of them (from varying counties). Anyway, they loved to take out their bad days on me, yell at me for FedEx’s mistakes, and be completely unreasonable in general. That is why I will never do any work with clients again, ever. NEVER EVER! I hate people.
Seriously, it just kills your faith in humanity sometimes… but then you have someone awesome who remembers something about your life (that you told them during menial customer service chit chat), comes back two weeks later and asks you about it. Or the ones who insist on tipping you even though it’s against company policy (screw you corporate a-holes. You already make 5000000000000x more than me per hour, let me take that twonie!… I forgot you’re American… Let me take those two one dollar bills! lol).
haha! Yes, I know what you mean. I had a few very generous clients who sent me free things, EXPENSIVE things, and Christmas gifts, etc. My favorite was someone I still keep in touch with. He owns a boutique on Melrose Ave and makes hats. Like the fancy hats celebrities wear. He told me he’d make me one, and I totally forgot. Then a year later, he shows up in person, with a cool hat in a fancy hat box. I couldn’t believe he even remembered! Then I had people sending me emails calling me a worthless bitch because FedEx required a signature on their package.
A. That is awesome.
B. I believe that FedEx requiring a signature DOES in fact make you a worthless bitch. Yup. Totally.
C. Someone once told me they were going to sue me personally because I refused to put through a discount on an item that didn’t apply to that coupon… I was like, whaaaa!? GO FOR IT! See how far that gets ya little feller…
D. Most of the time at work I think my face looked like this -> “?”
HAHAH! I love C & D. People are so entitled these days. That’s what makes me so mad.
Or on my last day with the company, I showed up to work and a client was waiting outside the door to say goodbye and give me a parting gift in person. That made me cry. Not enough to want to stay, though.
Cute. My Starbucks regulars were awesome. I actually miss some of them. Leaving that job was hard because my boss was awesome too and its hard to find good bosses…
Oh tell me about it. I’d say more, but I’ll just shut up since this is the internets and I need references occasionally.
I have thought about this and how I will have to take my blog down next time I need to find work… fortunately, I think the in-laws are going to employ me and they already know that I’m kind of a bitch sometimes. lol
This was absolutely hilarious and spot on. The cherry on the sundae was the Nic Cage cats. I’m still laughing.
Thanks for the compliment and the inspiration! :) Since posting I’ve had former co-workers sending me “remember the time that…” messages. It’s been awesome reliving it all (after the fact with the ability to laugh at it).
I eventually did become the employee that didn’t give a shit, and I wasn’t even pregnant. I actually got some secret perverse pleasure out of making angry people angrier. For example:
Asshole customer: “I am NEVER shopping here again!”
Flippant Laura: “That’s fine with me.”
Customer: “YOU THINK THAT’S FINE?!? FINE?!”
Laura: “Yup.”
Customer: “ARGHHHHHHJHGHGH!!!”
Laura: “So… do you think you need a bag?”
This was because I asked him for ID to pick up a book he ordered and prepaid for.
Oh, and great post :)
Thanks! I love this comment, especially because I can hear you saying that to him in my head. Remember the guy that was all flipped out about not getting 10% off games with his membership card? I’m pretty sure it was you. You were so blasé about his freak out that I couldn’t even tell you not to treat customers like that. It was too funny!
Be bitter if you want! People really suck sometimes. I was horrified by some of the stuff I heard from S, especially during the Christmas season when we’re supposed to be extra-kind to our fellow humans. Ha. At least as a teacher, you can blame some of children’s rudeness on them being children and still learning about how to treat people (parents, on the other hand… well).
And we did like the kitties! (Ctrl+alt+del is my fave.) My 3-year-old came up and said about Nick Cat #2, “What’s that guy for? He’s really fluffy.”
Haha. Tell E that I would really like to know what that guy is for too. It’s a mystery.
And I have heard horror stories about parents from my friends who are teachers… I’m really not sure I’d want them as customers! You teachers are a tolerant breed!
Oh jeez! I worked retail all through my 6 years at University, and I must say that they were horrible experiences! The managers were pretty much incompetent or bitches, corporate office rules were ridiculous and allowed customers to get away with shit, and almost all the customers acted as though i didn’t know how to do my job when they asked ridiculous questions (such as directions to other stores and what they sold). Ugh! I wish I had been able to tell them off and walk out! Horrible horrible horrible!
I could have gone on and on with this topic… so many stories.
Yes, a never ending supply!
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