About the Belly: 29 Weeks

If you haven’t heard of Ze Frank, please go watch this: http://www.zefrank.com/theshow/archives/2006/05/051106.html. NOW!

I have had this song stuck in my head for awhile now… why? Because if Baby H continues his current rate of growth until my next midwife appointment they are going to send me for more ultrasounds to find out what is going on. He is a BIG baby. There is also the possibility that I just have a huge uterus though. Who knows. It would be fitting if I had a big uterus to match my fat head. C’mon. We all know I’m (mostly) awesome.

I’m taking a break from my hiatus to write an about the belly update. Also, I’m procrastinating. Hey, I have to put one of my degrees to use, and a degree in procrastination is much more practical than a degree in human geography. Also, I have my doctorate in procrastination, while I’m just an (almost) master of human geography. The former is definitely more employable. I can help you shirk all kinds of responsibility! You know where to find me.

I’m lying a bit. I actually have time to do this because I was hella productive yesterday. I think the nesting instinct is kicking in. I was awakened at 5am by another doggie disaster and after scrubbing vomit out of the carpet for an hour (if/when I get the opportunity to design my own house there will be NO CARPET! For heaven’s sake, it’s such a disgusting concept… and can you believe that in some countries it’s normal to have carpet in your BATHROOM!? *shudder*) I couldn’t fall back to sleep so I went to my office (a.k.a. the kitchen table) and somehow pumped out a 30 slide Powerpoint presentation on my thesis, complete with pictures (it’s only a 20 minute presentation though, so I’m going to have to cut back… dammit). I then proceeded to clean out our nuclear fridge.

I sincerely wish I’d had one of these masks

I just couldn’t take it anymore! And there was no food in the house, nor could I bring more in knowing what was in there (or not knowing… I think this used to be pasta, but now it’s black, white and green so…). I’m not a tidy person, but I do feel the need to state that I have not lived in this house for the last two months and therefore am not responsible for this nuclear disaster… although living in a close enough radius I’ve still had to deal with the fallout. Le sigh.

I’m rambling. Time for a mini belly update (not much has changed in the last two weeks).

Oh, except that Baby H got really huge and put my midwife on alert. As I already mentioned, the next two weeks will tell if I need more ultrasounds. I’m sure everything is fine though. Big babies run in my fam jam.

Medical stuffs: Still measuring three weeks ahead, although its closer to four right now which is why we’ll be paying close attention from now on. Also, I failed my gestational diabetes (GD) screening. Sigh. This means I had to go back to the lab for the more extensive test. I swear, I’ve had so many needles stuck into me in the last week that people are going to think I’m a very bad mother. I’d wear long sleeves if it weren’t 109863489q7569487 degrees outside again this weekend.

For the GD tests they make you fast (a terribly cruel thing to do to any pregnant woman, fyi) for 12 hours. They take your fasting blood and then make you drink this nasty concoction that tastes like flat orange crush, but sweeter, that left me with a horrible burning sensation in my throat. Then you have to sit and wait for an hour for the screening, or two hours for the actual test. Then they take your blood again after an hour (and again once more for the 2 hour). We’ll see… GD could explain the giant nature of my belly, but then again my midwife really doesn’t think I look like I have GD at all since I’m all belly.

Cravings: EAT ALL THE THINGS!

Symptoms:

1. Weight gain: I weight 10,000lbs. Ok, I’m exaggerating. But I am up 35lbs. No wonder I can’t get up when I sit down on the floor. I have to stop doing that! I had a really embarrassing moment a couple of weeks ago when I crouched down on the sidewalk to fix the dog’s collar and couldn’t get up again for 5 minutes. No one offered to help either and I was on a really busy street. Evil people.

2. Homicidal rage: And speaking of evil people, I have no patience for them. If one more person cuts in front of me in line I may commit homicide. Seriously, who does that to a pregnant woman!? Rude.

3. Nesting: Look what J and I did yesterday!

Ok. I’m off to make breakfast. I have to get this baby dancing because we’re off for a 3D ultrasound in 2.5 hours. I have mixed feelings about this because on the one hand, if we get a good shot we’ll actually have a pretty good idea of what he looks like! On the other hand, I don’t know if I want to know what he looks like until he makes his debut. If he looks more like a baby and less like this guy, I’ll let you know!

“This Guy”